she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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