I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
