It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
