I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
