the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just invented taco cereal.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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