I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
