This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
