okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
