dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
