NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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