Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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