Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
