How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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