why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
