I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
