I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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