Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
