I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will pee on everything he values.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
