Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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