Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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