did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
worst night to have a conscience
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby