Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
