First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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