so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
