I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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