I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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