I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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