We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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