I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she smelled like a LAN party
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
