so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
