i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
