Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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