The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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