Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
