I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
