You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize