ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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