He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
