Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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