We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
