Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I could make wine with my vomit
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
