You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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