and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
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Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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