Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
