I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They took my balls.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
