Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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