I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
