Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
