new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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