How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
