Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
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You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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