Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
