I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
