she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I could fuck to npr.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
