This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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