I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
