haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
