I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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