i think my mom watched the whole time
what day is it and did you see me today?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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