Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
